This could be a description of growing old! We are all dying of a progressive, incurable, terminal disease which is the curse of sin upon creation and human lifespan. Sandie was 66 years old when she died. The peak of life is 33 years old. It’s a fast climb to 33 and then a slow descent to 66. (It’s a slow descent to however long you live after 33.) The last 3 years of her life were a rapid descent, but we experienced the blessing of a progressive, incurable, terminal disease. Good news! Sandie will be the equivalent of 33 years when I see her again in heaven and so will I. We will enjoy eternity in 33-year-old resurrection bodies!
How can a progressive, incurable, terminal disease be a blessing?
First blessing was learning how to pray for healing. How did I pray for Sandie during her 3-year struggle with her disease? I took her to a healing evangelist from India who travels around the USA and nothing happened. (I’ll name him: Ankit Rambabu. I’m not judging the validity of his ministry. Jesus is the judge.) She stood in the “healing line” and was touched by the evangelist; nothing happened. I didn’t see anyone get healed that night. At least one third of the meeting was about money. I gave all the cash in my wallet after the evangelist made his long appeal for money. I later realized I was trying to buy Sandie’s healing.
Later, I met a sincere person who told me to call a man with a “gift of healing”. I called and he commanded healing. He commanded and then asked if there was any movement in Sandie’s stiff legs and arms. Nothing. He hung up.
We watched 700 Club many nights. There would be a time of healing prayer with “words of knowledge” spoken by Robertson and others. I noticed that all the “words of knowledge” for healing were about minor problems, something a person could go to a doctor for or get a prescription. (Of course, minor health problems can become big annoying problems for those who are suffering from them.) I waited for a “word of knowledge” about an incurable, terminal illness, like cancer, or a degenerative neurological movement disorder. Nothing. Only minor problems that were not life-threatening. (OK, there were a few who had life-threatening health problems like a guy who had cancerous tumors growing all over his body and he was healed, but 95% were minor problems.)
I prayed Psalm 103:1-5 over Sandie many times. I claimed the benefits Jesus paid for: “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit (of death).” We know the Lord forgives all our sins; therefore, He must also heal all our diseases. Her disease wasn’t healed. She’s in heaven now and received the healing Jesus paid for.
I’m growing weary of fake Christian triumphalism. I despise “name it and claim it” or “declare it” Christianity.
I gave up praying Psalm 103 toward the end and began praying for mercy. I didn’t have the faith to believe a miracle. I rolled her emaciated body every day. I changed her diapers. I pulled out her poop. I bandaged her smelly bed sores that went to the bone. When she died (not “passed away”) she was less than 100 pounds. I prayed for mercy. The Lord may deny healing while we live in this world under the curse of sin, but not mercy. You may not receive the healing you ask for, but you will receive mercy. Hebrews 4:14-16 is now my primary scripture when praying for healing of body and soul.
I gradually moved from “name it and claim it” abuse of promises to disillusionment and disbelief and then to surrender and trust in the Lord and His good purpose and plans. I appeal for mercy to the throne of grace of the Lord Jesus who has felt pain and suffering.
I prayed Job a lot. After Satan’s first attack, Job had a right attitude: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” After Satan’s second attack on Job’s health, he started to complain. (There were times I complained during Sandie’s disease. Caregiving is stressful even if you are healthy.) But the Lord also restored all Satan stole and more when Job realized his own self-righteousness and forgive his accusers. (I always confessed my sins of impatience and anger. Now I am waiting for restoration.)
I am re-reading Adventures In Adversity (Paul E. Billheimer) about the sanctification of Job. If you are in adversity or affliction, then read it.
I’m working on Part 2.
Wilenghart’s Wisdom 