Tag: loss

Asking why for deeper revelation and healing

8/17/26: The Spirit gave me a further revelation on something I wrote August 2025. I made three points about the blessing of a progressive incurable disease. This is my third point, and I am rewriting and going a level deeper with the revelation.

Third, the progressive nature of her disease made it a sanctifying experience for me.  Jesus gave me Sandie to sanctify me. Marriage is a sanctifying experience, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. P Billheimer wrote, “Every affliction comes with a message from the heart of God.” The message is sanctification. I struggled to accept and fully utilize the adversity for my growth in agape love. My sinfulness was revealed many times when I was impatient and angry. (I bear a keloid scar that reminds me of my sinfulness.) My growth in agape love was revealed when I was patient and kind as described in1 Corinthians 13. But I sometimes argued with the Lord: “If Sandie’s disease is about perfecting me, sanctifying my soul, then it isn’t fair. Why should she suffer to make me more in Your image?”  I now know the answer to my complaint: because I loved her. It’s all about agape love. The Lord used the wife I loved to show me my sin and perfect me in His love. The HS said, “I am permitting the affliction of the person you love to teach you about My love.” This doesn’t seem fair, but the Lord’s purpose is growth in agape love for the patient and caregiver.

8/17/26: I questioned the Lord, “So, you allowed her sickness to perfect me. How is that fair? Why afflict her to make me more into your image and then take her to heaven?” The Lord spoke to my spirit, “She was ready to be with me. She had the character I desired. You were not there yet. She was perfected in my love. You were not. You needed more perfecting into my nature. You needed to be broken and refilled with my love, the fruit of my spirit.” (This was the significance of the water and the blood for cleansing and refilling.) I thought, “So, is your work in me finished? Am I living in the perfect love that casts out fear?” The Lord responded, “Not fully how I want you. It will not be finished until you see me face to face; it’s a process. However, I am sending someone else to be with you, and share in the perfection process, the perfect agape love that drives out fear. I am perfect love. There is no fear in Me. Fear is from the enemy. There will be no fear in you.”

(Note 1: For those of you who may wonder how I can have a conversation with God, it’s a relationship. If you are a true believer then the Holy Spirit (HS) lives in you. The HS is in your spirit and influences your heart and mind when you are surrendered to Him. Listen for the low whisper, the gentle voice. (1 Kings 19:11-13) Don’t be distracted by earthquake, wind, and fire. The LORD doesn’t shout at His children. He speaks from the Word and speaks within.

Note 2: I am also describing the process of sanctification. It is the process of being “conformed into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.” Romans 8:28-30: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover, whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. Foreknowledge and predestination happen in eternity. Called, justified, and glorified happen in a moment. There is a lot of time and living between justified and glorified. (That’s 56 years for me so far.) What happens in between is being conformed into the likeness of Christ, sanctification. It’s the process whereby God lovingly breaks and remakes believers.)

3 Truths: Living with Purpose

This is the one-year anniversary of my wife’s homegoing to heaven, 8/5/25-8/5/26. I am learning 3 truths. I already posted T1 & T2.

T3: Living with Purpose Heals Grief: What has kept me from despair and paralysis has been living with purpose. I have something to live for. I was involved in two ministries while taking care of Sandie during her at-home hospice time. I could work as a PRN chaplain at night while she slept. I could temporarily get away from caretaker stress and serve as a visiting preacher to a west TX church while Sandie went to a medical lodge. (Hospice care allowed 5 days of caretaker respite every 30 days.) I still serve as a part-time chaplain and pastor since she has gone to heaven, her homegoing. While most widows and widowers would probably say the main motive to keep living is their children and grandchildren, that’s not true for me. (Currently I only have a relationship with 2 of my 4 children.) So, the main motive for me to keep living is purposeful ministry. It’s BEING a chaplain and pastor. (“Being” is identity and serving is the action that flows from being. I am a belove child of God with a purpose, a mission, an assignment to serve. That’s my main motive.)  Serving as a chaplain and pastor I can forget about myself while helping other people. Being the Lord’s son and serving Him is healing.

Sorrow turned to joy: John 16:20-22. Jesus told the disciples they would grieve His death, but then their sorrow would be turned to joy. Jesus compared it to a woman giving birth. The disciples felt sorrow and grief at Jesus’ death but then joy at His resurrection. After Jesus’ resurrection they were given a new purpose and the HS (Matthew 28:18-20). The resurrection, a new purpose, and the HS healed their grief. After the death of a spouse, you will have a season of sorrow and grief, but you have hope and know your spouse is in heaven. If the Lord took your spouse to be with Him, and left you in this world, then He has a purpose for you, a mission, an assignment. Seek Him to know it. Living with His purpose will heal your grief.

Hebrews 12:1-2 challenges us to run with endurance the race, the mission, the assignment set before us while keeping our eyes on Jesus. Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him. What was the joy placed before Him? What did Jesus see beyond the pain of the cross? He saw His purpose. I believe He saw a sanctified bride, millions of people in love with Him, the Father, and the Spirit (Revelation 19:7-8). We can endure the grief of the loss of a spouse, a child, a parent, when we see His purpose for us to remain. The pain will lessen, the grief will subside, joy will return as we live in His purpose.

There are times life is hard, and I would rather be with my wife in heaven, but then I confess I have His purpose to remain, to be His and serve Him until He calls me home and says “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter the eternal joy of My kingdom.”